The Fallacy of Choice.

🌱 - A collection of sprouting un organised thoughts.

We like to think that we have a choice in all of this. We might. Who knows.

One thing I know is that we’re surrounded by so much to choose from it’s almost draining. What phone do I buy? What clothes do I wear? What task do I do? What house do I live in?

Choices and the freedom it brings can come with a huge burden. The question of freedom in choice isn’t one that interests me. The matter of influence in my choices does.

Why am I doing what I’m doing? Should I do what everyone else does just because it makes sense? I mean they must be right? Or should I go with my parents or guardians or friends, surely they’ve lived though this and know better. So many questions. So many decisions. As if making decisions is not enough we’re burdened with the thought of making the wrong one. Some things in life are out of our control. Some more than others.

A random question has orbited my attention lately. Do people choose to settle or do they just fail at the rat trace? Is this a race I want to be in? I have lots of questions. Very little answers. I heard someone say “Yeah the money is okay, it doesn't change much for me. I don’t want to keep chasing that.. I’ll never be happy, it’ll never be enough”. It got me thinking because if I counted how many times I said I need to grab that bag in the past 2 months. I would have a bag.

Narrowing down on everything, it's worth mentioning that I stopped pursuing happiness. I'm on the search for contentment, and choice brings about comparison. Comparison drains your joy. For me these question have been.. is the rat race worth it? Do I swallow the bitter pill of accepting what I have and be content with what comes to me? Do I live a more fulfilling life and do what I want? Or do I chasing everything I ever wanted?

An excess of choice encourages us to live on the surface of things, hovering, ready to pull our losses the minute our choices make us regret them. The argument is that we compromise less when our investments are so shallow and as a generation that values comfort over self growth. We lose more when we fail to commit to our choices.

I believe there is something empowering about making a choice and seeing it through. It denotes trust in one’s own ability. I want that. It reflects positively on your self-confidence. Not doing so will have a dire effect on our self confidence. To play the field, to entertain as many options at once – this engenders cowardice. There may be the perception that you are living life to the fullest but truly, you are living it shallow. You are living a cheapened life. You keep going wide and touching many surfaces when you could go deep and discover so much goodness.

I’m a huge advocate for value based growth. Although something I’ve learned the hard way, experiencing life for all it is and accepting everything it throws at me is objectively an easier way of life. I must confess that acceptance is something I struggle with. I’ve always believed that we dictate our circumstances and have the ability to change them through our actions. I still think this, sometimes I just have to remember where to draw the line - this is something I can change and this is something I have to accept. It is what it is, basically. Sometimes the line gets blurry and I swing from I can do anything to what’s the point of trying. As with anything in life, balance is key. I recently discovered something called radical acceptance.

It’s difficult to accept what you don’t want to be true. And it’s more difficult to not accept. Not accepting pain brings suffering.

You might be thinking, acceptance of life the way it is.. coming from someone with existentialist influences? Yes. Acceptance isn’t letting life get at you, it’s not saying "ah life is not fair", it’s not saying "this shouldn’t be happening right now". It’s saying "crap, so this happened. What can I do to move past it and make things better for me or the people around me."

Accepting reality is difficult when life is painful. No one wants to experience pain, disappointment, sadness, or loss. But those experiences are a part of life. Life is full of experiences, some that you enjoy and others you dislike. When you push away or attempt to avoid feelings of sadness and pain, you also diminish your ability to feel joy. An uncle once told me sickness helps us appreciate health. If we were always well, it wouldn’t be that special no? It would be normal and then we wouldn't really strive for it because.. it’s the default setting.

I remember talking to someone and complaining about my circumstances. Ugh there so few opportunities in this place, why can’t I just leave. there’s so much I want to do. She told me that my circumstances created a need and hunger for more, without them I would just be content with what’s normal, so accepting them and doing something about them brought so much good to me, as opposed to suffering.

Suffering is a choice, yes I said it. You can stop suffering by practicing acceptance. You may feel sad and hurt. Suffering is what you do with that pain and the interpretation you put on the pain. Suffering is optional; pain is not.

Acceptance takes time and practice. Anyone who knows me or has met me in person knows how calm I can be - even in the face of so much distress. It comes from acceptance, what is happening is happening and panicking wont stop that but it will diminish my ability to respond carefully and with caution. It doesn't help anyone.

Life gives us lots of opportunities to practice acceptance. If you have a problem that you can solve, then that is the first option. If you can’t solve it, but can change your perception of it, then do that. If you can’t solve it or change your perception of an issue, then practice radical acceptance.

Begin by focusing on your breath. Just notice thoughts you might have, such as the situation isn’t fair, or you can’t stand what happened. Let those thoughts pass.

Is acceptance a doorway to complacency? That’s up to you and how you choose to perceive things around you.

Back to choice,

So please understand me when I say I’m heavy on the it is what it is.